For this year Hari Raya. I'll be wearing ORANGE. AGAIN. -________-"
I decided to buy one clothes for hari raya this year because there is still 2 more clothes which i bought it last year and i havent wear them yet. But ended up. I bought 4 clothes for this year. Which total to be exact was 6 clothes for hari raya this year!!!!.. Goshhh, Gelojohhh nak mampos seyy Filzah!!!.. Nevermind, I'll make sure i won't buy any clothes for next year. Maybe NOT. errkksss O______O''
This is what happend when i go shopping with my mom. She will enter every single shop at Tanjong Katong Complex and Joo Chiat which made me tempting to buy more clothes. My beloved dad will start to ask either me or my mom , " Brape kene bayar???".. And definitely he started to bite his lips because we will tend to over budget. Hahaha.. Oh well, at least i paid for my own stuffs except for my kebaya pahang. And i think i'm kinda broke right now. Not really broke uhhs. I wanna save up for my future in case of an emergency.
But then i realised that most of the traditional clothes for hari raya this year is not attractive as to compare it last year. PLUS!!!!!... The price for the clothes are sooooo unreasonable!!!. The cheapest for a PLAIN baju kurung is around 150 bucks liaooo!!!!.. It's hard to find clothes that are below 100 bucks. Irritating betol!!! Tau nak makan duit orang jerrr!!!! Haizzzzz..
It's been raining since afternoon and i am freeeeeezinnnngggg cold here eventhough i didnt even switched on my fan. My toes are turning purplish blue.. DAH MACAM MAYAT!!.. I feel soo lazy to go to work later. It's 1.58am and my eyes are still wide open!!! I don't feel sleepy at all!!!.. That's weird...
It was my very first time in my life Terawih-ing with a friend of mine, Tsuwaibah. And i felt happy and peace. Despite of the far distance we lived, i dont mind travelling from Boon Lay to Tampines in the train all alone if a friend who has been sacrificed alot for me eversince i first knew her when i started working at Sultan. She's not only giving me endless encouragement and motivation when i'm feeling down but also guided me through the right path and made me remember the ALMIGHTY. I felt much closer towards the ALMIGHTY now. Like i've told you before, i have my dark past and i have flaws. Eversince the tragedy strucked on me. I began to realise that i can't be like this forever. I have to change for the better.
Well at times i do admit that i skip prayers and still using cursing words wherever i go. But i'm trying my best not to skip prayers and control my emotions now. And Alhamdulilah the more i be closer towards HIM, i can managed myself to control of what ever i say. I do not want to be a saint. I do not want to have a drastic change within me. I just want to be average or have a balanced in life and having some preparation in the afterlife coz you'll never know when is your turn to move into a new world.
And that's the reason why i chose to cover myself up. Well, it is still not perfectly covered up but i'm still trying.. Hehehe.. That's when a question will immediately popped out in my mind. Am i wearing Hijab/ Tudung just for sake of Fashion or Faith???.. It kinda scares me because sometimes my intention to wear it for fashion. SOMETIMES ONLY EHKS. But no matter what. I know that wearing a hijab is a wajib or compulsary for every muslim women to wear it. Like i've told you just now. I am still trying...
Ya Allah, bukakanlah hatiku ini.
Untuk memakainya sekali lagi.
Entah mengapa ku masih ragui.
Sememangnya ku tahu ini pesan Nabi.
Dan temuikanlah aku dengan dia.
Yang kenal erti kecantikan murni.
Yang cinta kerana hati dan budi pekerti.
Bukan kerana bentuk badan atau gaya yg seksi.
Dan dia akan tunggu tanpa rungutan.
Hingga hari kita diijab kabulkan.
Tidak akan aku kecewakan.
Kerana dia lah yang sah ku memberi layanan.
I got this from Natasha's blog and i decided to paste it on my blog. Seems interesting. And i really hope that during this month of ramadhan i would gain something good. And not drifting awaayy...
This is gonna be a very short entry. Damn short. Damn useless. And thank you for wasting your time on reading this post.
I SERIOUSLY NEED A TIME BREAK FOR MYSELF. I'M LOSING WEIGHT AND I NEED TO LET MY MIND TO REST. BUT I CAN'T.
I NEED TO SCREAM!!! I NEED TO BREAK SOMEONE'S ARM RIGHT NOW. I'M FEELING THE BLUES ALREADY!!!
Great. I'm down with a high fever, sore throat, cough and Flu since Friday and I'm feeling slightly better. And right now Tsuwaibah is having her sore throat and gastric pains. Haha. Sakit pon boleh related also ehks??.. Dont know la ehks, maybe she got affected by me coz i met her on last friday when i wasn't feeling well. Oh shuckss!!
And guess what???..
I supposed to get some Tender Loving Care from my parents when im feeling sick and weak but end up I received naggings from my parents because they said that i've worked too much and doesn't even spend time with my family.
Hmmmm, i'm kinda feeling abit confused when they said those words to me. Perhaps whatever they said was freaking true. As we grow older, we tend to be getting far apart from your parents and siblings due to our busy schedule. But i never failed to at least sit together watching tv and crack some lame jokes with my dad every night before i start to entertain my lappy. And i do admit that it's been quite a long time since i had a long conversation with my sister eventhough we sleep in the same bedroom. I feel kinda upset that one day she will leave me and proceed to a new life. And I'll BE ALL ALONE. Maybe i'm trying to adapt and prepare myself not to be too clingy with my sister. If not, it'll be very difficult for me to do adapt the upcoming new situation in life.
But on the brighter side, At least i have a family who always be there for me eventhough i am such a stuborn girl. Haha!!
Okay then, i need to continue to do my work. Okay bye!!
Oh geeez. Finally i managed to steal a few minutes of my hectic life just to update my dead blog. Been busy with my working life and school work are just adding the flame. At first i used to hate working at Twinkletots, but after days passed by.. I started to fell in love with the kids eventhough they're such a pain in the ass. I realised that they are wonderful kids who touched my heart. It all began when i was kinda depressed due to some unexpected situation happend. I couldn't control myself but to breakdown infront of my kids while they were busy playing with their toys. One of my kids came up to me and wipe my tears away while asking me a simple but touching question...
" Teacher Filzah, Why are you crying?? Dont cry okay. I good boy ( I'll be a good boy.).."
And of course, when one kid came up to me.. All of my kids gathered around me and gave me a hug. And of course, those kids started to spread around and telling other teachers that i cried. It was soo kecoh but on the other hand, i felt so warmth whenever i'm with my kids. I may look strong to conqure those heartwrecking moments. But I'm still a human who will fall down and feel soo weak to stand up again.
I can only rely on Tsuwaibah coz she knew everything that happend around me. But then again, i can't always depend on her. She can't always be there for me 24/7. She has a life to handle too. I may looked like i have many friends around me. But actually i dont. Honestly, i dont have many friends. I do have friends for fun moments, chilling or hanging out together. But when u felt as if you are useless and feel the burden is too heavy for you to carry, None of ur friends are with you by your side.. They're just vanished. That's why i'm thankful to have at least a friend who sacrifice her time to be there with me when i need a shoulder to cry on.
Actually there's another person who i can rely on. But he's getting married this summer at Melbourne. So yeahh, i can't rely on him anymore now. He invited me to his wedding at Melbourne and i just dont feel like going. Honestly, i can't bear to see it.
